


Driving alone, following your form

by Bellakitse



Series: Michael Guerin Week 2019 [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Boys In Love, He and Alex finally start to communicate, M/M, Michael leaves Roswell to heal, Post-Season/Series 01, Reconciliation, Road Trips, Romance, Texting, mentions of M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 08:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellakitse/pseuds/Bellakitse
Summary: Two weeks after they bring Max back, Michael takes off for a while. What starts as a road trip without a final destination in sight, leads him to where he's always wanted to be, with Alex.





	Driving alone, following your form

**Author's Note:**

> DAY 2 of Michael Guerin Week 2019!
> 
> Fic prompt: Distance
> 
> Click on the linked words to see the pretty places Michael visits.

Michael leaves Roswell two weeks after they bring Max back to life. That's how long he manages to give his siblings before the sinking feeling that has surrounded him for the last seven months takes over him again.

He’s been drowning since Caulfield prison, Rosa coming back like a living ghost of all their sins, Max dead on a cave floor, and Alex.

Always Alex.

Alex who left time and time again but refused to leave at the prison, willing to die for him. Alex who gave him one absolutely crushed look when he found him at the Wild Pony with Maria and then shifted to his military persona in a blink of an eye, doing everything in his power to give him and Isobel back their brother.

It's ridiculous that with everything they all been through the last seven months, what has him the most in knots is Alex Manes, but when has that ever not been the case.

Aliens, secrets about a dead girl, murderous brother-in-law’s and in the end the first and last thought of every day for Michael still comes down to Alex. His anger, his resentment, his pain but most of all his all-encompassing love for the man.

He and Maria last exactly one kiss and one song, the look on Alex's face when he found them together still haunts the little sleep he manages to get.

So, he goes, quietly in the darkness of night. He leaves his siblings a note, telling them that he needs to go for a while, clear his head because he feels like a powder keg about to explode and if he does, he doesn't want them caught in the fallout. He asks they don't call him.

Isobel texts him hours after he's out of Roswell.

_'You're an asshole, we love you, be safe.'_

He lets out a noise when he reads it; half laugh, half sob, grateful for the understanding he doesn’t deserve. He’s put Isobel through the wringer during the months that Max slept in his pod. He should have been a better brother, and he promises himself as soon as he has his head on straight again, he’ll do exactly that.

On a whim he also leaves a note for Alex, telling him pretty much the same. He’s a mess and that he needs to go for a while. That he’s always loved him and that he’s sorry. He hopes that it’s enough but isn’t sure.

During the months they all worked on bringing Max back, Alex was there every step of the way, supporting Liz, being there for Isobel, being their access point to what the military knew. He risked his life and his career more than once to get them the information they needed. He worked side by side with Michael and never once brought_ ‘them’_ up in conversation. A part of Michael was thankful for the reprieve, knowing that he wasn’t in the headspace to deal with everything Alex means to him. However, every time they didn’t talk about the elephant in the room the distance between them seemed to expand and Michael wonders; fears that there’s maybe too much damage, too much hurt on both sides. That maybe too much of everything has chipped away at their love.

He prays to a God he doesn’t believe in, that that’s not the case. He hopes as the miles between him and Roswell grow; that leaving will serve as a balm to the open wounds they both carry.

He has no plan, no map, no destination in mind for the first week, he drives his truck down main highways, taking exits and then back roads on a whim. He starts north, crossing Colorado without even stopping until he arrives at Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Stopping here and there in the picturesque town, grabbing some food and information before getting back in his truck and driving towards [Grand Teton National Park](https://www.travelwyoming.com/sites/default/files/1.4-Grand-Teton-1_forweb.jpg). It’s the afternoon, later than when people usually get to the park but there are still families and groups around probably ready to call it a day if they aren’t sleeping onsite. Some make eye contact and even nod in his direction, but no one bothers him as he takes his camping equipment and starts to make his way up the trail to[ Lake Jenny](https://live.staticflickr.com/8169/8030225344_b8cfd992d5_b.jpg) where he’s decided to spend the night.

That night he sits outside his tent looking up at a starry sky that reflects on the still waters of the lake, and his only thought is how much Alex would love to see it. He takes a picture that comes out better than expected and he begrudgingly thanks Isobel for nagging him into updating his phone. He texts the photo to Alex before he can start to doubt himself, his heart beating fast when he sees ‘read’ on the message, he waits to see if Alex will text anything back. The seconds turn to minutes, and he shakes his head, calling himself an idiot. What exactly does he expect Alex to say to a damn picture?

He sits there wishing he had something to drink, Whiskey, a beer, definitely some acetone, but he’s made a commitment to himself to slow the fuck down, and he’s going to keep it. When his phone buzzes in his loose hold it startles him so much, he almost drops it.

It says: _‘That’s beautiful.’_

It’s not much, but it still feels like an olive branch, and it helps loosen some of the tightness in his chest. He holds his breath as he sees little bubbles appear on the text indicating that Alex is writing. It stops and starts a couple of times, and Michael feels a stab of sympathy for Alex being at a loss for words. Finally, a text comes through.

_‘Are you okay?’_

Michael lets out a small, humorless laugh because the obvious answer to that is _no_. He’s not okay. He’s an alien, his brother died and came back to life, he watched his mother die in front of him, he loves a man more than anything in his life, and he can’t manage to get it right with him, and he’s currently running away from all of that like a child running away from home.

He starts to write without pause, lets every random, not so great thought that has circled his head pour out of him. That he’s never felt at home here and resents Isobel and Max for feeling differently, how he loves Max and is so grateful for having him back but resents him for playing god in the first place, for healing his hand without permission.

There are more little bubbles after he presses send on his small meltdown.

_‘Feel better?’_

Michael snorts, the question feels a little sarcastic and knowing Alex it probably was, surprisingly it does make him feel better, and he answers as much.

_‘Good, I’m glad.’_

Michael's thumbs hover over the keyboard, hesitating on whether he should ask or not, writing back he promises himself that if the answer is no, he won’t take it personally, he’s not the only one trying to heal here.

_‘Can I keep texting you?’_

He doesn’t have time to work himself up; Alex’s answer comes back fast.

_‘I’ll be here.’_

Michael can’t help the small smile it brings to his lips. That night he sleeps better than he has in months.

He hits the road again a day later, flipping a coin to see if he should keep heading north or turn east. Tails have it, and he heads into Nebraska and sees a lot of corn, a lot. When he tells Alex this on their now nightly communication, he gets pure sass in return.

_'It’s the Cornhusker State, Guerin, what did you expect?'_

The answer is so _Alex_ that it makes his ridiculous heart do a funny jump. He treats Alex to a picture of the [cornfields at sunset](https://givetogrant.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/indiana-cornfield-sunset-1_1462991186.jpg) and Alex answers back with: _'I wish I could be there.'_

Any chance of his heart settling down after that is hopeless; it beats hard against his chest as he answers back. 

_'Me too.'_

Alex doesn't say anything after that, and Michael doesn't either; at peace with the exchange. Where before he would have seen the silence as Alex retreating, he's starting to understand that the last few months hasn’t been Alex distancing himself from Michael because he doesn't love him anymore. He's been trying to give Michael space to find his footing again after having the rug pulled from under his feet again and again. The damage that before seemed unfixable between them is slowly starting to mend with every text they share. He doesn't know if it's because they aren't facing each other and therefore don't have sex to fall back on or because quietly they both know what's really at stake for the first time, but they're talking in a way they never have before.

Alex hadn't been exaggerating when he said they loved each other without ever really talking and now that they are, Michael wants to know more. So, he asks questions without fear, in between driving, in-between states as he heads into Kansas and Missouri, crosses through Oklahoma to get to Texas. He texts and sends pictures; Alex answers and sends of few pictures of his own. The one of Isobel looking through dresses, her back to the camera has him raising an eyebrow. When he asks about that, he gets back:

_'We've become close.'_

It makes him smile, he likes the idea that Isobel and Alex have become friends, and he remembers the Max-less months how more than once Alex could be found next to Isobel, protective in his stance. Still knowing his sister and knowing Alex an alliance between them does send a shiver of nervousness down his spine.

_‘Should I be scared?’_

He gets back _‘Terrified’_ and it makes him laugh, it’s followed with a selfie of Isobel and Alex, straight-faced, the hint of a smirk on both their faces and it squeezes his heart to see the two people he loves the most together.

He makes his way through Texas and stops in Hays County to get to the [Dripping Springs](https://www.thebeautyoftravel.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Hamilton-Pool-Preserve-Dripping-Springs-Texas-United-States.jpg); he sends a quick picture of the place to Alex, and he doesn’t have to wait long for a response.

_‘That’s 500 miles from Roswell.’_

Michael swallows hard because yes, he knows that. If he leaves now, he could be back in Roswell in about eight hours, take the US-87 N and US-380 W, and he’d be back home. But he’s not ready, he’s close, he’s better, but he’s not there yet. He tells Alex and holds his breath when he sees that Alex is texting back.

_‘Okay, no rush. I’ll be here when you’re ready.’_

He has to sit down at that answer and just breathe and keep on breathing. There has been a part of him, a part that has gotten smaller and quieter, but still there that has been whispering in his ear that maybe once he’s ready, Alex won’t be there. After all, isn’t that what he did to Alex when he was ready? He ran away and towards someone else, he realizes now out of fear. He’d gotten so used to Alex walking away, that he didn’t know what to do when Alex was standing in front of him, telling him that he wasn’t leaving anymore, that Michael is where he wanted to be. He ran.

He does cross into New Mexico but doesn’t stop until he hits Arizona. There he goes to [The Grand Canyon](https://www.worldatlas.com/r/w728-h425-c728x425/upload/b0/0e/46/grand-canyon-national-park-arizona.jpg), and it’s breathtaking at sunrise.

_‘If I ask, will you come here with me someday?’_

_‘I’ll go with you wherever and whenever you ask, Michael.’_

Michael sits on a massive boulder, his feet dangling, the morning sun hitting his face with a stunning view in front of him but all he can do is stare at Alex’s message and the significance of his name.

When he texts back, there is no more fear.

_‘I haven’t looked away.’_

_‘Neither have I and I never will.’_

If he cries for a while; the last remnants of his pain finally releasing him. If he cries because he’s finally within reach of what he has so desperately wanted since he was seventeen, no one’s around to watch. From there he knows what he wants, what he’s always wanted. He shoots Alex a text with coordinates and the time it will take him to get there as he enters California, he doesn’t get an answer back, but he doesn’t worry as he drives through [Death Valley](https://www.tripsavvy.com/thmb/Grx5Fox4W5p58UeW7vU0OQFWCrM=/960x0/filters:no_upscale\(\):max_bytes\(150000\):strip_icc\(\)/20110210_041-1000x1500-56a3882a5f9b58b7d0d27560-87ddb7ee4e7f423c97b5dece8f2746eb.jpg) up to [Yosemite](https://www.parkedinparadise.com/wp-content/uploads/visiting-yosemite-fall.jpg), getting there as it starts to get dark.

He pulls into the campgrounds where there are other cars gathered, but he only notices one, or better yet, the man leaning against the car. Parking across Alex’s rental, he takes him in as the headlights of his truck illuminate him like a halo of light around him.

Alex has always been beautiful, he was beautiful back in high school with his emo punk clothes, he’s beautiful in his Air Force uniform, and everything in between, he’s beautiful now as he combines the boy he was and the man he is.

But after traveling for weeks on end with only a picture of the man he loves, looking at Alex now, he’s never been more breathtaking.

“You made good time,” he says as he gets out of his truck and walks over to him.

Alex gives him a small serene smile. “You took the long way; I took a plane.”

“I bet my view was better,” Michael teases.

Alex nods. “I have no doubt.”

“I’ll show it to you someday,” Michael blurts out, wincing at the volume of his voice. “Sorry, I’m nervous I guess.”

Alex looks at him, studies him in that Alex way of his, his expression softening. “Can I?” he asks quietly, his arms open. Michael doesn’t answer. Instead, he steps into Alex’s space and holds on as Alex’s arms circle him, his hold strong and comforting.

“I missed you,” Alex whispers into his neck and Michael answers by tightening his arms around him. They stay wrapped in each other for a while before Michael pulls back.

“Come on,” he says, taking Alex’s hand in his, leading him back to his truck to grab his gear. “I called ahead and reserved the spot we’re camping in,” he continues, heading up the trail the girl at the desk told him about.

It doesn’t take them long to get set up. At this point Michael is a pro at putting up his tent, it’ll be close quarters with Alex here, but given that they haven’t stopped holding each other since they laid down on one of his blankets staring at the sky, he doesn’t think either of them is going to complain.

“I’ve stared at the sky for weeks now,” Michael says quietly, not wanting to ruin the peace around them.

“I don’t blame you,” Alex says just as softly. “It’s beautiful.”

“I have been looking at the stars, searching for my home,” he continues, swallowing hard as he feels Alex tense up. He doesn’t stop him when he pulls away to sit up. Alex is quiet for a moment, his gaze upward.

“Did you find it?” he finally asks, looking back at Michael, the light of the night reflecting in his eyes like amber.

Michael nods and places a shaky hand over Alex’s chest. “Right here,” he says, tapping on Alex’s heart. “If I’m allowed in again.”

Alex lets out a watery laugh and a tear rolls down the side of his face, but the smile he gives Michael is wide, and the love that shines through his expression warms Michael more than the Roswell sun. “That implies that you ever left, Michael,” He answers, and it’s Michael's turn to cry as a sob passes his lips. Alex's hands cradle the back of his neck, and he presses his forehead against Michael’s. “And you have never, not for one second left my heart,” Alex continues, shushing him softly as Michael cries. “It’s yours, Michael, it’s yours.”

The first kiss they share in over nine months is salty from their tears, but as Alex holds him, as he whispers, he loves him, and Michael whispers it back, a sky full of stars above them and a future full of possibilities ahead of them, it’s utterly sweet.


End file.
